Celebrity Bitch Death Match!!!

yes, i've been neglecting my blog. the usual combination of procrastination and self-esteem issues which makes it rather difficult to feel that anything i have to say is either worthwhile or at least nicely written. but apparently writing skills don't keep others from staking out their claims out in cyberland. twitter is much easier though - i can fill up 140 characters with something that's either clever or revolting.......several paragraphs is a whole different game.

but admittedly i did come up with an idea the other day whose time has come - CELEBRITY BITCH DEATH MATCH! i know, another reality show and the eyes are already rolling and you are about to click over to some porn - but gimme just 5 minutes........there'll be no jungle and no ambulances - only hearses and at least a pause in the overall dumbing down of western culture.......intrigued?

i envision something akin to the roman coliseums of old - you know - in the days of gladiators, christians, lions and such. there was no sudden death overtime - just death. no returning to the show, no screeching vocals or "pity me" background stories designed to nudge the hardest of souls (in my case i gag and change the channel....) into "voting" them in for something or other.

i'm seeing a perfect solution for reality tv overkill (nice pun there).....and a perfect money making opportunity for the progressive and greedy souls that can see past the silly legalities as murder charges, etc. besides there'll be enough money that we can get the best justice money can buy.....

ok - first we get a large venue. preferably one of the roman ruins coliseums in italy for that added touch of authenticity. but any large venue with a large flat area for the event will do - madison square garden, LA memorial coliseum, the state of kansas.....

yeah, pay-per-view. several of them - there are enough fame whores for quite a few episodes. the list is never-ending and growing by the day. hmmmm, bitches with overused uterus's like kate gosselin and octomom (we can also use kate for verbal castration before the death match - but that's another event for another day). bitches that insult our intelligence and sound like fingernails on chalkboard - heidi pratt, denise richards, heather mills, tori spelling, mady gosselin (a temper tantrum throwing little bitch in training), janice dickinson, omarosa, naomi campbell, kim kardashian, paris hilton, lindsay lohan, madonna, - well, you get my drift - and let's not forget the men. yes, men can be the bitchiest of all. hmmm - spencer pratt of course, sanjaya, tom cruise, kanye, oj, kevin federline.......the list again can go on and on and on and on.........

but on with the games..........ave, imperator; moritiuri te salutant (those who are about to die salute you). all celebrities will indulge in massive alcohol consumption prior to the matches - we can throw in a bit of cocaine for some sure-fire attitude and paranoia. only weapons allowed will be sharp fingernails, high heels, cell phones and swinging purses/manbags (of course knock-offs will be used - i'm not going to risk ruining a prada bag on some snot-nosed, trust-fund hollywood brat)....contestants of course will be encouraged to screech and pull hair as much as possible. ausfuhrung fur uns (a little german for that decadent dark berlin vibe).....as far as the actual matches - well we can do it one on one, teams or just have a group clusterfuck....those details can be ironed out later on in the show development.

this is the sport america has been waiting for! combine the best of tabloid gossip, violence and ultimately ridding ourselves of some of our culture's most irritating celebrities. and think of all the marketing opportunities! personally i'd be proud to wear a t-shirt with paris hilton's face - mascara running, teeth missing and nose at an unnatural angle...

now i can hear all that is kind and politically correct calling out for my demise. how dare she advocate violence and say those horrible things???? that girl just ain't right......how could she do this to our favorite people to hate???

and what is my response??? BULLSHIT! you know deep inside you love to see the "mighty" fall ungraciously and in front of millions. one word will prove it - politics. as far as violence - well, there are times that there are no other alternatives but violence. these people refuse to go away. most of them have IQ's lower than most species of moss. there are times that violence is the only option (and come on - you know you wanna see it!). it'll be better than porn! porn can only utilize so many basic moves - violence has so much more variety...

of course there's many details to work out before my idea can bear fruit but it's just a little something to think about kids.......