The Genie Is Out Of the Bottle.....

I've never been asked to "guest-blog" before (N.E.O. Moms - kudos and fab vacation to Charlotte!). But as usual my feelings of joy and validation quickly evaporated and I'm right back to obsessing about shoes. Surely there's nothing of importance to be said by an unemployed blogger from Alaska on sex, religion or politics. Hey wait - there's that other unemployed blogger from Alaska who came up with that little catch phrase "death panel" - and got a whole lot of mileage out of it. What was her name again? Oh yeah - Sarah, Sarah Palin. The girl who is more at home on the pages of the National Enquirer than Newsweek....smack dab in between ads for psychic hotlines and the 7-page photo spread on celebrity cellulite.

But enough on our Sarah. Although she's one of my favorite right wing nutcases to skewer and roast ever so slowly over extra-hot coals, there's another issue that has popped up in recent days. Apparently a Presidential speech on the importance of education directed to students has been twisted into a dark conservative conspiracy that's adamant that a 15-minute speech will convert our nation's youth to Obama's evil socialist creed. Surely their soft, moldable minds will be forever branded with leftest ideologies that might lead to such subversive activities as examining a multitude of different ideas and using rational thought processes. Next thing you know there'll be armies of children with implanted electronic monitoring devices turning them into mindless, goose-stepping drones of the state. One push of a button from some evil bureaucrat's desk (safely hidden away in an underground bunker in east nowhere Kansas) will cause them to murder their parents in the night. Could the cross-breeding of dogs with cats and Paris Hilton receiving a Nobel prize for physics be far behind?

Are these just the ridiculous rants of an aging tattooed rebel with hair colors not found in nature? Thankfully some people can grasp the concept of parody. But my tirade is no more ridiculous than spewings of "good Americans" over an upcoming Presidential speech to students within publicly-funded (gasp!) schools - which surely are no more than a trip to commie hell in a hand basket. Good white "patriots" wrapping themselves up in the flag and pounding their chests accusing Obama of bringing politics into the classroom, saying it's akin "to the propagandizing of Hitler's Nazi Germany." That last blurb was an actual statement from a "concerned parent" from Anchorage, Alaska. The land of Palin, Uncle Ted and the Murkowski dynasty.....

Silly hysterics of a few whose cheese slid off their crackers, right? Then why are school districts throughout the nation are buckling right and left (no pun intended) to the paranoid rhetoric of racists, birthers, teabaggers, dittoheads, conservatives, FOX News fans, Christians zealots, ad nauseum. What's next? They are infiltrating lawful assemblies using hired gun-toting goons to intimidate those "commies" wanting health care... Hmmmm - where was all this self-righteous furor over George "Wingnut" Bush speaking to school children (speaking of the blind leading the blind) - including on 9/11? Or Carter, Reagan, Clinton, etc.?

Can any of these wingnuts actually define "socialism", "communism", "facism", "Nazi", etc. beyond words they like to sling out for shock value? Similar to a three year old saying "fuckhead" to shock mom and dad and earning street cred with the toddler set....

However, it's not the Dark Side's latest outcries over a Presidential speech that disturbs me the most. What disturbs me is the fact that a group of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, hypocritical right wing zealots can essentially blackmail schools into throwing out the fundamentals of education, free speech and intelligent discourse out over the least bit of controversy (even when the controversy sprung from the voices in their heads). The genie is out of the bottle - even if it is just a rusty beer can.....

Yes, thanks to the right wingnuts, the genie is out of the bottle and poised for all sorts of mischief. Those suburban BBQ's will soon be fueled by burning books instead of briquettes. Soon entire curriculums will be changed to satisfy the politics of denial and bigotry. It'll be so much easier to raise a generation molded by fear and propaganda if we didn't have all this silly academic bullshit! Let 'em learn wood shop and the bible - it was good enough for our forefathers and it's good enough for us!

Yes, the old "dynamite the fish pond" approach. Start spouting bible verses, excerpts from the constitution and whatever Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh said that day. Kill enough fish and the smell will overcome the strongest nose (or intellect). Hey, if Sarah Palin can use fish analogies, so can I. We're the culture of celebrity and 30 second sound bites. I especially like the bible thumpers that mix government w/religion. They forget about separation of state FROM church in addition to their own holy scriptures advocating genocide, slavery, human sacrifice, rape, etc. I especially like Timothy ii, 12, St Paul is quoted thus: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” Guess someone better muzzle Sarah......and Michelle Bachman too.

I think I just stumbled across the Conservanuts' reasons for their outcry over a simple Presidential speech - if you control education, no one will question your version of the "truth." Not the first time that circus came through town though......but they are betting that suppression of an educational system - or a country - that is free to examine any and all ideas will at least keep their freakish side show going on a little longer......

I Want My Own Religion and Talk Show.....and Vicodin

It's August 31 - and if I don't post something today the month of August will be a "lost" month. Makes sense as the writer has basically been fighting almost a never-ending headache, bouts of depression and stress - both real and imagined.

My mood is not too much better after running hot water all around my head/neck in a vain attempt for relief. Out of vidocin and frankly motrin, aleve and tylenol are about as effective as pissing on a forest fire. Frustrating and not very effective. But the nice man with the "MD" after his name that prescribes them thinks I can do with a lesser amount than usual. Me thinks we're gonna have to have a discussion about this - but that's for another day...besides it's difficult to debate with someone that is almost as much of a smart-ass as I am (Almost.....)

I forced myself to listen to Glenn Beck today - 15 minutes was about all I could take of his rants and paranoia. Then I read Sarah Palin's wall. Face it kids - if you looked long and hard enough (and have a vivid imagination) you can find a conspiracy behind every door. If I looked at one of my cats long enough, I can be certain they're thinking of a way to get rid of the human that doesn't open the doors at every their every demand as soon as they figure out a way to open tuna cans, secure unlimited amounts of cat food and self-cleaning litter boxes...and open the front door by themselves of course...

But it made me think - if you keep the public entertained by shock value, you can makes lots of money and have people think you are god - or at least one of his favorite messengers. Read Palin's Facebook wall - most of her lemming followers insinuate she is sent to them by god....or that god is at least on her side. Of course this leads me to wonder how one makes the judgement that "god" is on one side or the other.....does he throw you a rock with a note tied on it?

As I've had many years of indoctrination into the Catholic religion (although none of it took much to my family's chagrin) I can spout off biblical psycho-babble and scripture with the best of them. Be a shame to waste all that knowledge. Besides if you throw enough gold glitter, solemn mysterious chants and incense on anything, you can capture the hearts (and wallets) of many..... Catholics been doing it for almost 2000 years. Not a bad track record -- although I would be a bit squeamish if I had to go "Inquisition" on someone....I would only enjoy torture if it were applied to my ex-husband - a nice stretch on the rack could do that boy a world of good. I give you my word that there'll be no fooling around with the altar boys either (a man isn't any good until they are over 30....).

Me thinks this can be a good gig - hell, I'm infamous within my own circle of friends, acquaintances and enemies alternatively either making them laugh or pissing them off. I bet I can be great at 30 second sound bites. Hell, if I can convert you to thinking that you absolutely NEED A TASER - then how far behind is the salvation of your soul? Not to mention the peace you will find in abject poverty in this life....(yes, the abject poverty bit - after you gladly give your worldly possessions to the Church of the Demented Redhead)

Oh my deluded ones - only I can show you the way! I'll say anything you want me to say to make you love yourself and make you feel your ideas actually matter. Stroke the ego enough and even the most hardened soul will succumb to my mindless rants and rascally charm! I can take scripture out of context and twist it to my own vendetta as well as any hard-boiled greasy southern tele-evangelist....(and I will NEVER wear a cheap polyester suit as that offends the same god that gave us Gucci and Chanel).

Sigh - I could go on for hours now formulating my new religion. Need a media onslaught on TV as to reach the bored and sleepless masses at 2:00 a.m. - I'd be much more entertaining than a typical infommercial - even the one that promises to send you FREE HOLY HEALING WATER! Yes, kids -- there is really such rot out there on the airwaves. Wonder if those shysters would suffer a decline in donations if the United States implemented accessible and affordable health care for all its citizens (but that again is another rant for another day).

OK - can I finish and get off this thing now? I made a half-assed attempt to write and I wasted both my time and the time of the reader. Or have I? Can I use the same logic Palin used - y'know drone on about bears protecting cubs and dead fish going with the flow as I quit? Or is my quitting not really quitting but a brilliant personal political and career move? Stay tuned to find out......